Oh, there has to be a reason
for another boring season
spent with braindead inbred cousins
trudging up and down
in endless search
of stupid lifeless shellfish
on that stupid lifeless shore...

...to endure the petty tortures
of that toady town boy Morris
and be trapped and then regaled
by our dreadful Uncle Boris
while he scratches at his middle
drooling black tobacco spittle
while he spews his horrid stories
of his life before the war...

...and that clingy Auntie Gertie
with her frightful table manners
and her frigid lumpy mashers
and her twitchy shifty gropings
as she tries to steal our pennies
she pretends she hasn't any
but we all know she's a liar
'cause we overheard her talking
'bout her mattress stuffed with money
from her filthy lucre spoils
got by cheating at Gin Rummy...

...but things this year are different
and our visit's been more pleasant
'cause my sibling fancies Morris
and she's busting out all over...
...I encountered Morrie's sister
and her given name is Doris
but she calls herself Alexis
and they say she's just a hooker
but my instincts told me different...
then she had me walking funny...
...now I've got a little blister...

...and we murdered Uncle Boris
and we stewed him like a chicken
then we took what was left over
and we stuffed it into sausage
then we fed our aunt her breakfast
while we emptied out her mattress...